Delusional Mom Refuses To Let 25-Year-Old Daughter Sleep In Same Room As Boyfriend

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Mayarey
Sep 21, 2021 12:30 PM EDT

When we are growing up, we have to follow our parent's rules. It's just the way it is. They feed and clothe us, so we basically have to do whatever they say. 

"Be home by 11."

"Oookay." 

"Finish your homework."

"Oookay"

"No closing doors when a boy is over."

"Ookay."

They make these rules (usually) to keep us safe, productive, and out of trouble. But sometimes our parents can forget that at some point we pay our own bills, buy our own clothes, and have to make our own decisions. At some point, they have to realize that we're not kids anymore, and we've already moved on from the possibility of teen pregnancy.

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole + Join u/upsetmother12 • 23d 4 1 AITA for not allowing my daughter to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend? Asshole
    via u/upsetmother12

    Reddit user u/upsetmother12 (an appropriate username) asked people if she was an a-hole for not allowing her daughter to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend. Now at first glance, you might think that she has a teenage daughter, and it would be inappropriate to allow her to sleep with her boyfriend, but well, that's not the case.

  • 02
    Organism - My daughter and her boyfriend celebrated Easter with us (me, my husband, and our son/her brother). I asked her boyfriend to stay in our guest room, as they aren't married yet and my husband and I believe it's inappropriate to share a bed before marriage. Neither her or her boyfriend said anything at the time, but later it came up that they don't visit more often because we won't "allow" them to sleep together.
    via u/upsetmother12

    So this mother has some very strong feelings about men and women who aren't married sharing beds. I suppose this is common in a lot of religious families. But is this really something that we should allow to get in the way of our relationships with our children?

  • 03
    Sky - I think this is ridiculous. After all, it's our house and our rules. My daughter agreed, but then said she'd still prefer to sleep with her boyfriend and thinks our rule is what's actually ridiculous. She then tried to tell us that they still respect our rule.
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 04
    Font - I pointed out that she was clearly lying about that, since she was withholding her very presence from her own family. I said she was punishing us for having a very reasonable rule, and that she obviously doesn't truly respect "our house, our rules". She changed the subject then. At the end of their trip I asked when the next we'll see them again, and was told "maybe the 4th of July, unless [they] make plans with [boyfriend's] family first".
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 05
    Sky - When I pointed out she was still trying to punish us (who waits three months in between visits to their parents?), she just left.
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 06
    Font - EDIT She's 25 and he's 26. They've been together for three years and living together for two. I didn't include this because the rule isn't based on their ages or if they're cohabiting, so I didn't think it was important. They will be allowed to share a bed under our roof once they're married and not a second sooner.
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 07
    Mammal - Some people seem to think we're upset that she's choosing to stay in a hotel room instead of with us. This is not the case. She's choosing to avoid seeing us at all, instead of spending time with her family.
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 08
    Font - EDIT 2 A lot of people are under the impression that my daughter and her boyfriend visit every three months - this isn't the case at all. They usually only visit 2 or 3 times a year. I could understand before, with the pandemic, and before that they were in college, but we expected more frequent visits now that they're not as busy. Her brother manages to see us once a month, so we know it's not too unreasonable of an ask. But she certainly doesn't visit every three months. If she chooses
    via u/upsetmother12
  • 09

    The responses were pretty unanimous

    Font - SomeoneYouDontKnow70• 23d Professor Emeritass [80] S 1 Award YTA. I mean, it's your house and your rules, but by that same token, it's their time and their holiday. Your daughter is not an extension of you. She has her own life to live, and the holiday is as much hers at it is yours. She respects your rules when she's in your house, but who can blame her for wanting to stay away from your house when you insist on imposing such arduous rules? Plenty of grown kids visit their parents once o
    via u/SomeoneYouDontKnow70
  • 10
    Font - havartna • 23d Pooperintendant [58] S 3 Awards YTA, but for a specific reason. You can set whatever rules you want, but if they decide not to come because of those rules THEY ARE STILL RESPECTING THE RULES, and you are TA if you get mad about that. "My house, my rules!" "OK, then, we won't come to your house because we don't like those rules. Both sides are in the right on that exchange. G Reply 4 6.1k 3
    via u/Pooperintendant
  • 11
    Font - sheramom4• 23d Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] S 1 Award ΥΤΑ. They respect your rule. They just choose not to visit often because of the rule and don't agree with it. You are choosing your rule over them visiting. 6 Reply 4 11.2k 3
    via u/sheramom4
  • 12
    Font - RainbowDMacGyver · 23d Asshole Aficionado [12] 5 Awards YTA firstly for not mentioning their ages are 25 and 26 and they have been cohabitating partners for 3 years. For all intents and purposes, they live as a stable married couple. This is relevant to your story. Do you have the right to set such a rule for your household? Sure you do, no one is stopping you. But this rule infantilizes your adult daughter and trivialises her long-term relationship. This guy might be your son one day, wh
    via u/RainbowDMacGyver
  • 13
    Organism - chucker23n • 23d Partassipant [2] YTA for leaving out a critical detail in this story. You make them sound 16 and 17, and instead they're 25 and 26. If you want to have rituals over who gets to sleep together in your place, you do you, but... who waits three months in between visits to their parents? Couples who get treated like this is who. Also, daughters whose parents say "She's always been rebellious so of course we don't trust her". 6 Reply 1 603 3
    via u/chucker23n
  • 14
    Font - independentask42 · 23d YTA because they're right, it's not a reasonable rule. You can choose to enforce whatever rules you want, and they can choose not to come over because of it. She's not "punishing" you by not coming over, she just prefers to stay with in-laws who presumably respect that they're a couple and they're adults and thus can share a bed together. G Reply 2.1k 3
    via u/independentask42

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